January 25, 2006

Listen Up

Very cool piece on public radio this afternoon. Unfortunately, I heard only a snippet. It was an interview with a man talking about how to communicate with toddlers.

A toddler climbs up a jungle gym and gleefully announces, "Mommy, look at me!" You respond with equal giddyness, almost mirroring his enthusiasm.

Natural and appropriate response, says the expert.

A toddler is having trouble opening a box and is just as excited as he was when he climbed up the jungle gym - (but in a negative way). His high-energy voice reflects his agitation and frustration. You could even say he's having a temper tantrum.

Conventional wisdom has been that mommy says in calm, measured tones. "That's OK. Don't be upset. Let me help you. It's going to be all right." Etc.

Wrong response, says the expert.

The kid is agitated. Show you feel his agitation. Respond with just as much energy as he is expressing. And just as much concern. "Oh my gosh...that is SO frustrating! Don't you hate it when that happens?! I can see you're really upset." [You get the idea.] And THEN come down to the measured tone level and help him solve the problem.

That's the expert's advice.

And it makes sense. Advice like that always reminds me of playing catch. When the ball comes towards you, you catch it by moving your glove in the line of the ball. You go with the ball. Then, when the ball is snugly in your mitt, you take it out and throw it.

Language communications are just the same. To be effective, you've got to "go with the ball" that's thrown at you. If the person is agitated, show that you understand their agitation. Then help them resolve it. If (as in marketing) the person has a need, show that you have clearly understood the need by getting into the emotion of it as well as the fact of it....and then help provide them with a solution.

Often during the day I take note of the extent to which I have listened successfully to others and they, to me. The number of disconnects on both sides can really be a bummer. But identifying them helps me recognize and appreciate more the opportunities for connection and provides lessons that are directly relevant to effective marketing communications.